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Butts and Brains

You know those people who seem to have it all together and are flawlessly beautiful? You know the type, they have the odd items you hardly ever need but are desperate for when you need one; metal detectors, spark plugs that fit just right, certain kitchen gadgets. Well, I'm NOT that person. But my best ever is. I lost my engagement ring once and sent a text to about 15 people at once (we met at school and I texted everyone in our class) and of course this gorgeous friend of mine is "me! I do!" My husband and I still talk about that. She's truly amazing and since we've met in 2006 I've gotten to know her a lot better and since May is National Mental Health Month, I wanted to give you an idea of what it's like to have a best ever with BPD (Borderline personality disorder) because the more it's talked about, the less it is to be stereotyped. Remember how I said Plato said opinion is the wilderness between ignorance and knowledge? Well, people, I hope to bring you closer to the side of knowledge with the reality nuggets I'm going to share.

First, I'm no expert. I think we can all agree about that. I mean, I did mention you can't trust some farts, after all, and it's true. I can only share with you what I know, what I've seen working in healthcare, and how this extraordinary woman who most people wouldn't give a serious thought because of BPD, has not just saved my life, but changed it for the better. I also feel like society as a whole overlooks something that should be very obvious since it really is at the surface. Maybe it's just me seeing it that way, though.

Borderline Personality Disorder affects the way one thinks about themselves and others. It brings impulsivity, anger, self-hate, a HUGE fear of abandonment (she found out why recently, too) creates problems in relationships, mood swings, and basically is like a woman with the worst case of PMS but all the time. Here's the thing, though, if you know what to expect, not only can you treat it, you can also prepare and arm yourself with love and patience. You don't leave and give this person even more of a reason to fear being abandoned! Imagine needing to be seen in the ER and being alone in the waiting room for 6 hours yet nobody tells you whats going on. The ENTIRE time you're waiting, nobody has come in and nobody has left, or so you think. What you DON'T know is one trauma after another is pulling up and filling up every room. I know, unlikely scenario, but we can pretend. Would that wait be better or worse knowing why you're waiting? I'd say better because at least they know youre there and not being ignored. You're armed with the "why."

I have a question or two or maybe more for you. When you break a bone, do you talk about it? What about funky smells coming from your nether region? Do you see a cardiologist for heart health and share results with family, friends, and colleagues? Why? I'll tell you why; because none of those health complications have a negative stereotype, well, funky nethers, maybe. Wash yourself is probably a good start. Dirty butts are gross. So if you see a doctor who specializes in whatever it is that's ailing you and you can freely discuss it without being labled as "crazy" why are people with a mental health disorder suddenly pushed towards the edges of society? I'll tell you why; ignorance.

While my best ever may have some of the traits of BPD, she's also supportive of her kids, her grandkids, she's loving, thoughtful, hilarious, kind, considerate, unwavering in her faith, she doesn't judge, if you need something she's there without having to be asked. She's the first to arrive and the last to leave. She doesn't care if you ugly cry all over her favorite silk shirt, she answers my weird questions that make no sense with equally weird answers, I can always count on her and after a few years of not being around, she can now count on me. I can call her crazy because she knows what I mean. But nobody else can. As a matter of fact, don't call anyone with a mental health disorder crazy, it's just plain mean. I mean, if I found you went to the proctologist how would you like it if I called you "ass man?" Lose your teeth? I'll ask you if you like "gumming it" like babies do. See my point? Good. People don't require labels because we each are so different in the most beautiful of ways.

My best ever has BPD and I love her even more for it. She has her moments and I just give her little motivational stuff even if she doesn't want to hear it. I tell her I'm here if she wants to talk. I tell her to check in. I'm a depression sufferer and she makes me accountable, too. Her mental health plays no part in who she truly is. And she truly is an angel with a magnificent brain capable of making anyone's day and I love her.

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